What If?

What If

What if you're right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you're right?
What if it's true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true?

What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find?

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold?

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

You've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land for so long
But what if you're wrong?

--Nicole Nordeman

New Year's Resolutions and Birthdays

I know it's a bit late to be talking about New Year's Resolutions but it's almost my birthday and I'll do what i want to lol just kidding. Honestly though, this year I thought that I wouldn't be thinking up any resolutions...not cuz I thought I was perfect and needed nothing to improve on, but because I really just don't take them too seriously and just didn't really care. Anywayz, that changed probably a day or two into New Year's when I decided that this year I really wanted to be completely available to anything that God wanted me to do. Which basically meant surrendering everything to Him and being obedient to His calls. It's been an interesting process so far. I can see the change in my life and in my attitude towards others whether it be with forgiveness, or kindness or just being more loving (although it's still a struggle with the customers at work; BUT God has in many ways removed that struggle by placing me in the back room to do stock away from all the customers. THANK YOU LORD!) But on the serious side, it's just been great gettin to know more and more about Him and getting deeper and deeper. He really is incredible.

It's kinda cool to see how different things fall into place. The books I've been reading recently (Don't Waste your Life - John Piper, Captivating - John&Stasi Elderidge, Fantasy - don't remember) and then the messages I've been hearing at church and just how they all fit together with whatever God has planned for this year. At time's it's kinda frightening but I'm willing to obey and I trust He knows what's best.

On another note, it's my birthday tomorrow (well in 1.5 hours) and I have NO idea what to expect of my 21st year lol. I can't believe I've been alive for almost 21 years. It's crazy lol,, 1997 seems like yesterday and it's been 10 years. Wow. It's starting to hit me as I write this I think, cuz i've just been too busy to think about it the past few days. But yeah, it's coming up soon and my dad, mom and younger sister are here in Toronto to celebrate it with me. Pretty cool. I guess, since I'll be legal everywhere, I'll be "officially" an adult...into a new phase lol. Oh well, I still have 1.5 hours of young-ness to go and I'll use it wisely (oh wait, only adults do things wise) lol i mean...i'll be RECKLESS haha jk.

Ps. For those of you who are past 21, i'm not saying you're old...age is relative!

C is for Cookie

2007 The year of insanity lol. That's how it will feel as the year progresses. I've been really trying not to plan out my whole life because a) it never works out how I've planned and 2) you never really know what could happen. So yeah, as much as I'm trying to do that, there are definitely some things I have to start putting in motion like going to South East Africa for summer project, finding a good job with relevant experience for Psychology, thinking about my fourth year thesis and then all the other thoughts of everyday life. However, a very wise man (Jesus) once said... "So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing...Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." So hopefully I can apply that to my life.

Other than that, life's pretty much back to normal. I'm workin still and doing the school thing. I've got some dreadfully boring classes but a great pal in one of those classes with me and she makes it a lot more enjoyable. My internet hasn't really been working well so that's been a bit of frustration to me and those I've chatted with lol. sorry guys! My super cool dad popped by for a quick visit en-route to the beautiful island of St. Vincent where he's goin to chill with my equally cool grandfather. He'll be headin back this way later in the month, just in time to celebrate my 21st birthday (i know..so old lol) so that should be fun. Anywayz, so much to do and so little time. Until we meet again...

Let it snow?

At most times I would say yes. If I was in Toronto i'd most likely say yes because there's been like no snow all season. However, in Winnipeg, the story is different. I got in almost 2 weeks ago and there was a significant amount of snow on the ground but not nearly enough to call it "SNOW" in winnipeg (i could be exaggerating). But all that changed yesterday when this fabulous city of mine provided us with about a foot of snow. That's 12 inches (or 30 centimeters)! It was insane! And it was falling all nice and pretty too...not blizzardy conditions at all but when we woke up this morning, most people could barely get out of their houses. My van...the great van that gets through so much, got stuck a number of times and unfortuantely I forgot to put the shovel in the trunk. Oh well! It was an adventure that's for sure. Quite a few churches didn't open, even the stores were EMPTY. It was the fastest time shopping in Walmart all season! It's so pretty outside though. Can't really complain and of course it being New Year's Eve...people will NOT be staying indoors nor will we be calling the Canadian Army to help us out (coughcoughTorontocoughcough). Winnipeg, Winnipeg...how I love Winnipeg!

Greetings from the "cool"

Hey hey hey! Once again I haven't been able to stay as on track with this as I'd like. It's just been too insane this past week. I can't believe I've only got like 5 more days left here. So much to do, so little time! The weather's been AMAZING. The only really cold day was Christmas but we were pretty much indoors all day so no worries there. I'm quite impressed. Sadly to say, I've been to Moxies at least 4 times since I've been here. Three times in a row at one point! The Wednesday I got in, the Thursday AND the Friday (and all at the same location too!) Lame...I know hahaha but it's all good times. I managed to stay away from ALL stores on Boxing Day, I figured since I work in retail and almost always have to work that day that I would avoid the chaos. AND my greatest accomplishment this trip...my hat! I finally found a hat that works for me! hahaha some may not understand but i've NEVER been able to find a hat that I could actually wear and I've always wanted one and I have finally gotten it. It's probably due to the long hair but I won't complain haha. I'm definitely missin Toronto but I don't really want to go back to school work, textbooks OR work. Oh well, such is life. Well that's all for now, many of my readers are at Winter Conference (hopefully I'll get to go next year) but many are also reading this lol. TTFN!

Home Sweet Home

YAY I'm back at home! It's such a great feeling. I've been in town maybe 30 hours or so and have done SO much already and seen SO many people it's ridic. It's only goin to get better. AND my family took some intiative and decorated the house this year "all by themselves" without me having to prod which is amazing. No stress of school, or shopping, or anything really. I totally needed this. My friends are amazing as always...same with the family. Great times have been had. They're all so happy cuz I got a new hairstyle (pictures to come) and yeah, apparently i'm looking alright hahaha. I can't complain about that now can I. The weather is also quite mild for Winterpeg...It's only like -5 to -1 during the days which is amazing considering it could be like -30. There's some snow but not a ton and the streets can be icy. Speakin of streets, great times driving the vans hahaha. You know you're home when. Black Beauty (my car) is great and all but nothing compares to those first vehicles that you drive, which for me, were my two vans lol. Well, that's all for now. I'll keep the updates. PS. For those in Toronto/GTA area, I MISS YOU TONS. It's only been 30 hours but seems like days already. Can't wait to see you again!

A glimpse into my Life

It has been FOREVER since I've written a blog (at least it feel that way). I'm not even sure why I havne't been writing; the first little bit was because I was in some type of a slump and just didn't feel like doin much of anything and then there was the 50% off sale at Jacob which has dominated the past 8 days of my life (7 days of working in a row!) So let's do a quick flashback through time to see what I've been up to.

School (well the semester) has ended and I had my first exam today (the next is the 20th) which went suprisingly well considering I didn't get to study as much as I wanted (due to working) and I got virtually no sleep last night (well perhaps just an hour). It was BRUTAL. I'm really disliking this insomnia that comes and goes as it pleases and disrupts my life. Anywayz, I've also completed my packing because I get to go home in 6 days!!! Soo excited! AND I've finished all my Christmas present shopping...I'm on the ball this year which is so rare.

Last week, had to write a paper, and then relaxed and then a GREAT time Salsa Dancing at Babaluus with some of the C4C ladies. It was such a great time and a great bonding experience. The best was looking for a fast food place that was open past 1AM because apparently nothing was. Sorry you had to settle for that healthy bagel Eunice lol.

Other than that, not too much else goin on besides this crazy sale with crazy customers. Honestly, the things people do to save a few bucks is incredible! I'll have to repost some previous blogs for retail enjoyment. I've also decided that while I love this city, I dont' think I could stay here. Say what you'd like about Winnipeg, it's got GREAT people who are soo friendly (with a few exceptions) who wouldn't think twice about helping you out. Sorry, I know there's people like that here, but in the past few weeks I've been "done wrong by" with so many people here that it's so frustrating and definitely wearing on me. I guess I'll just have to deal...I chose to be here right...

Anyway, once again, quite lengthy so congrats if you've made it this far!

Some more from the Extravaganzaa

Hey Hey...for those of you who were unable to make it or stay for all of the Christmas party...the fabulous Jeana took a mini video of the song me and Nakita did so I'll post it below.

Figure Skating and Hockey UNITE

My cousin just sent this to me. It's HILARIOUS! The figure skater OWNS the hockey players lol.

What an Adventure-filled Day

Words cannot truly describe the events of this day. Well, maybe they can. Let's start around 12am...I decide to make my way to bed after gettin off the phone with my bff in Winnipeg. I made it to the bed, but the sleep just wouldn't come. And so it began, another insomnia filled night where every hour I found myself looking at the clock and wondering why i wasn't yet asleep. Grr. Finally, around 5:30 I was like "God, i need AT LEAST 2 hours of sleep to function so PLEASE let me get some sleep" and around 6ish I must have fallen asleep cuz at 8am the alarm woke me up. Ugh. So I force myself out of bed at about 8:15 cuz I had soo much to do and soo little time to do it.

Flash forward a bit, I met up with one of my DG girls and we had a great time together and then headed to our final DG of the semester *tear* where we ate lunch at Blueberry Hill and just chilled. It was a lot of fun.

Then it's about 1pm and I should have been goin to class but skipped it and met up with the fabulous Barb to go over the events of the evening (532 Christmas Extravaganza) and we have a splendid time digressing and all of the above.

Ok, now is where the day gets interesting. During my other DG of the day, what sounded like a fire alarm starts goin off in the Student Centre. So we all kinda look at each other and look at the people outside of the room and none seem to be panicking or moving so we just kinda continue doing what we're doing. About 5 mins later or so, this lady from the Student Centre office comes in telling us that it is NOT a drill and we have to exit immediately. So we get herded out of the Student Centre where everyone kinda has no clue what's goin on and we just wait patiently/impatiently for the ok to get back in. That comes about 10 mins later and life resumes somewhat normal.

Flash forward again and we've got our FABULOUS 532 Christmas Extravaganza (party) which was incredible. I must say that Barb, my co-emcee was AMAZING. She is such a blessing to work with and I am soo happy that I do. We had a blast emcee-ing and switching it up (pictures to come). The games were tons of fun and the acts for the talent show were also just amazing lol (as you can tell, i'm running out of great words that don't make me sound nerdy); we had some singing, some instrumentals, some rap, some sign language, some improv and the judges from American Idol were there to judge (Simon - Terra, Paula - Steve S, Randy - Janette). Such a blast. I'd also like to thank my partner Nakita for singing Now Behold the Lamb with me (I hope she reads this).

Anywayz, this is quite lengthy and if you've made it this far, give yourself a pat on the back or a gold start or whatever tickles your fancy. Pictures and maybe more stories to come. Congrats to all the acts!

You know you're a psychologist when...

Wow, I feel nerdy just typing this. However, last night it happened. The dreadful occurrence I've always feared (well i acutally don't think I've ever thought about it...but yeah) So yeah I was sleeping and started dreaming of....PSYCHOLOGY. My goodness lol. I had this dream that some person was telling another person about Skinner's theory on reinforcement and they were telling it wrong and I was freaking out saying "NO YOU"RE WRONG YOU"RE WRONG" lol Sooo bizarre. I didn't wake up in a cold sweat or anything but yeah I woke up thinking...weird! Just another day in the life of Me.

What can you get for $20

A lot apparently. I went to Urban Planet after work yesterday cuz they had a 50% off sale items sale and thought I'd just look around and see if anything nice was there. Well I found a couple really nice dresses, $5 each, a t-shirt for like $5 and the most adorable purse for $3. It was quite the rewarding shopping trip. Now I can safely put myself aside and buy for family lol jk. I've started buying for family...it's weird, I'm gettin an early start on the presents this year. Maybe it's because I'm gettin home so late (Dec 20th) and so I won't have time to shop once I get home. It's a good thing though, buying ahead...avoiding the RUSH!

In other news, this weekend was fabulous! Went bowling with C4C peeps and friends. Cosmic (Glow) Bowling! It was soo much fun. I haven't gone bowling in so long and it was great. Saturday I unfortunately had to work but afterwards came home and watched a few movies with my cousins and aunts. We saw The Breakup (second time for me) and Phat Girls; they were both pretty funny. Sunday I had a massive migraine in the morning which kept me in bed for a few hours, then had to drag myself to work and later on watched The Last King of Scotland with my cousins, aunt and uncle. It's a really really good movie. The acting is really great, the subject matter interesting (the rise of Idi Amin) and it wasn't soo "Hollywood" (possibly because it was an independent British film). But yeah, I'd definitely suggest it.

Countdown to home, 24 days!!! Can't wait to get back and see all my fantastic friends and family (and caught in the rut of missing people here). I just can't win lol.

What to say?

Well i don't really have a lot to say. Life's been goin pretty much normally for the past little while. The Henna party went GREAT but i guess i'll make that its own separate blog. However, I hadn't really written anything in a while so I thought it'd be best that I say something. Maybe I'll leave you all with a quote:

Faith is to believe what we do not see; and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe. - St. Augstine -

Retail...can we ever be friends?

The answer is maybe...

I'm actually enjoying Jacob a lot more this year than last. The staff are still AMAZING and the customers suprisingly enough are NOT wretched. There's the few who try to spoil the day but on the whole...MUCH improved. Perhaps it's because I only work 15 hours a week as opposed to the 25-30 i did last year so i'm not there as often...not too sure.

There's been a few incidents but nothing extremely worth mentioning except fot this one today. Kinda funny, kinda frustrating. So basically we have to let customers into the washroom because we keep them locked. So I put the key in the handle to unlock the door and i get it unlocked but the key is still in the door as the customer YANKS the door open (WITH my arm) and i'm like..."one second" and she's like "it's ok! it's ok!" and im thinking "not it's NOT ok because my hand it attached to the door that you're yanking open; the proper response is "sorry" where I then reply "it's ok" lol. So anywayz, my friend Annie tells me that happens to her all the time too so it's not only me. That's about as harsh as it's been besides the constant returns and the talkin on the phones...

But that...my friends...is another issue....another blog...

Awesomeness

Today as I was driving home from work I was singing Obsession by Delirious? in my car (I always tend to sing while driving) Anyway, that is besides the point. Well, I don't know why but today it hit me just how amazing music really truly is. And i don't mean like garbage that anyone just throws instruments together, but like great music. I know my main mode of worship is through like music and songs but I was overwhelmed today by the awesomeness of God as I listened to Obsession basically because there's points in the song where the music just gets sooo intense and soo incredible and you can just feel God's presence from the music alone, even the quieter parts. And then I got to thinking, how awesome is my God that He's provided us with music to be able to express the things which our voices and words alone just could never express. Just to experience the sublime (impressing the mind with a sense of grandeur or power; inspiring awe) in respect to music just completely took my breath away. Thank you God

Am I not in Third Year?

Ok, so i'm sitting in tutorial and we're going through this BRUTAL analysis of Tintern Abbey by Wordsworth and by brutal i mean brutal. The TA would get us to read some lines of the poem and then she'd read it over and over asking us the most obvious questions. For example, one part of the poem talks of something having "no trivial influence" and she proceeds to tell us that the words in the poem can be hard to understand (she meant the word trivial) and then asked someone to explaiin it to the class, which this guy did quickly cuz he hates when she asks us pointless questions. So he says trivial means in some sense small. And she's like "Correct! and so he's talking about small influences". Then she's like and the word "no" in front of it, means the opposite. (OH MY GOODNESS!) lol The guy just looks at me with the most annoyed and incredulous look on his face lol and we start laughing cuz come on! Obviously it means "no small influence", I don't know why she had to point that out.

Later on in the lecture someone left the room and the door is automatically locked and so when they tried to come back to the room he had to knock to get in. And she's like "Oh I guess he can't get in" and everyone just looks at each other with a look of "Is she serious". I mean, if he's knocking on the door, it clearly means he can't get in. Ugh, it was Monday morning and I was clearly just not in the mood for being treated like a third grade student...maybe she's confused third year university with third year in school...

Oh body, how I love thee

For those who don't know me, I tend to hurt myself quite a bit. And it's not normally severe or anything, I've never broken any bones (although in many cases I wish that was the case). No, in my situations, I always manage to hurt myself in ways that are not easily fixed/healed and that require immense pain on my end. For example, one Christmas, on my way to a potluck, I fell down the steps in my garage with all body weight on my elbow. Did my elbow break? No it did not, apparently i just "bruised" the bone...an injury which resulted in pain for 2 years because, nothing could be done except take some pain killers and ice it.

Well...I've done it again. And I'm not talking about falling down the steps and hurting my elbow. But I am talkin about hurting myself in a way that is not easily fixed/healed and which requires immense pain on my end. While in Motivation (psyc) class, I felt the urge to sneeze...apparently my body was not prepared for this urge (which i will explain later). Anywayz, I'm feelin this urge so I go ahead and sneeze but try to be somewhat discreet which I guess meant that I was tryin to hold it in (BAD MOVE). So after the sneeze, I feel this horrendous pain in my right ribcage/lower abdomin and i'm like...great...what did i do now. Thankfully there was a break just around that time (cuz i had difficulties holding the pen to write the pages of notes) and I decided to give good ol nurse Mom a call and see what she thought. She told me to go get it checked out (cuz I perhaps cracked a rib....it happens). So I went.

After waiting an hour in the clinic at school the doctor finally sees me and does some checking and then tells me that no i'm not 90 years old and did not crack a lung, however, when I sneezed, my body did not send signals to my muscles indicating to them that I was about to sneeze and so they should therefore relax and expand and when i sneezed, i ended up ripping most of the muscles apart. Hurrah! So he tells me that (suprise suprise) there's nothing I can do for it except take some pain killers and perhaps ice it and avoid any sudden movements that will rip the remaining muscles (which are hanging by a thread). By sudden movements he means laughing, deep breathing...anything really.

So here I go again....pain for weeks with no relief in sight. Smart going body...smart going...maybe next time we can all be on the same page when a sneeze or yawn or even a blink occurs to prevent further pain for us all!

Back to the Grind

I apologize for lack of blogging in the past few days but i have been sooooo busy with everything that I just couldn't make time. Perhaps if i did my readings throughout the week and not have to read like 5 chapters in a night before a test i would fair better....one could only guess lol.

So basically not too much new and fabulous goin on with me. Friday I worked, Saturday I worked but then had a work Halloween party at one of the girl's houses. It was good fun...got to catch up with old coworkers who i haven't seen since like last Christmas and just got to cill and relax. Sunday, worked did school work...the usual. OH! I got the books I ordered online on Sunday, I'm soo excited to read them...i'll probably blog about them in the future. I just finished reading Jane Austen's "Persuasion" which is a really good book. I like Jane Austen, however, I find that her books truly put the "ending" in happy endings. Like 260 pages can go by just learning about the characters and knowing that the great romance will happen at the end but seeing only 20 pages left, knowing that you'll just get the short end of it. I guess that's her style, and i do respect it. She was a great author.

Well the main point of this was to talk about a few experiences at that I've already had at Jacob but I'm no longer in the mood so i'll have to do it tomorrow or wednesday lol. Sorry to get your hopes up!

Ugh Midterms

Finally finished the last "official" midterm for the fall semester. My goodness, school is torture. So much reading, so much studying, ick Ick ICK! However, I can relax for a night (well i techically can't but I will anyway). So back to this midterm, 70 multiple choice, 10 matching and 4 "short" answers. I say "short" answers because they're really not short at all, they're practically page long answers, some with multiple paragraphs, and how they're considered short I do not know. I remember those days when short answer questions required short answers; questions where the answers required only 2 sentences, not 30 lol. Thank goodness only 1.5 years until i'm done....then another 4 oh boy. Why didn't I just wanna be a hairdresser??

Luke 22:42

He looked ahead at all that would befall him
He would be betrayed
He would be arrested
He would be denied
He would be found guilty in a mock trial
He would be condemned
He would be beaten
He would be mocked
He would be scorned
He would be ridiculed
He would be flogged
He would be spat on
He would be forsaken
And so he asked,
“Father, if it is possible, please take this cup of suffering from me”
Then he looked beyond the trials to eternity
He saw the criminal who would ask to be remembered
He saw twelve men take the Gospel into the world
He saw spiritual multiplication
He saw millions coming to him in repentance
He saw human lives changed
He saw extreme displays of love and charity
He saw people living by faith
He saw men and women returning to their first love
He saw children proclaiming their love for him
He saw people coming to him with worship
He saw the joy we could only have by knowing him
He saw the gap between creation and Creator bridged
He saw forgiveness of sins
And so he said,
“Nevertheless, not my will, not my desire, but Your will and Your desire, be done”

© October 21, 2006, C. S. L.

Sometimes the very thing we don't want to do, is the very thing that we need to do. Don't let persecution and fear prevent you from doing certain things, look at the eternal perspective and receive your strength from Christ.

Luke 22:43 -- Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him. (NLT)