Words from Angel

Justifying Grace

2008-01-31T23:42:00.000-05:00

How often do I tell people that God will not love them any more or any lesss regardless of their actions and yet how often do I not trust in this statement myself. I find more often than not that I live by the Theology of Merit and Demerit which basically says that God will love me more if I do good and God will love me less if I screw up and do bad. I'm clearly not perfect and I screw up quite often and it causes me to make right with God, not always because of true genuine repentance, but because I don't want him to get 'angry' and not love me as much. I know I'm a people pleaser and on earth, our works generally earn or lose favour and yet God is so not like that.

God has already loved me so much that he gave me his only Son. How can I think or expect that anything I do for him will equal or exceed that to earn more love?

God loves me because of his amazing grace and not on the basis of anything I have ever dones (he loved me even before he created the world) and therefore can't love me any less.

I need to stop merely repeating this for the sake of sounding spiritual and I need to actually let this sink into my spirit and become a real TRUTH so that no matter how I feel or no matter the circumstance, I will recognize the reality of God's love.

Ps. In saying all of this, I'm not saying that it's right to just go out and sin and do evil deeds because God will love you regardless. I love God with all my heart and through his grace he has enabled me to have his will and desires and I want to obey and follow him based on my love. However, I am human and sometimes I don't always get it right and those are the times when I need to recognize this unconditional love, ask for forgiveness and purpose in my heart not to repeat what I've done (with the strength of God)

Revelation

2008-01-27T15:32:00.000-05:00

For those who know me, they know that I'm working through what I believe God is calling me to. So today, I was just listening to Pastor Mark Hughes and he said "When God tells you to do something and you do it, you know you're going to get the success that you do". That definitely affirmed to me what God is calling me to do.

God is Not your Neighbour

2008-01-25T17:12:00.001-05:00

John 14:15-16
15"If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, 17even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.

As I was reading Drawing Near by John Bevere the other day, Holy Spirit spoke some very strong words to me. He said “Don’t you know that I live with you (and in you)? So why are you treating me like your neighbour?”

Wow. I was shocked. I had never thought of it this way. I suppose with all the talk of our body being the ‘house’ our spirits lived in, God used that as analogy of my relationship with him. Basically, God is with me and lives in me through Holy Spirit. His spirit dwells within my ‘house’ as well as my own spirit.

When you consider your own house and the people who live in it (if you live with people), you recognize that there is definitely a level of relationship there that is not had with others. You see them everyday, you eat with them, you talk with them, if married you sleep with them and you basically commune with them. With your neighbours, it’s not quite the same. You see them once in a while and will maybe say hi. You may be closer to your neighbours and have them over for dinner once in a while or go out with them once in a while but it’s just not the same. Another thing neighbours are also used for are for “getting things”. People typically interact with their neighbours in order to borrow something (i.e. sugar, milk, a shovel, a hand with moving, etc).

God was essentially reminding me that He wants a true, genuine, live-in relationship with me. He wants to talk with me, He wants to be involved in the planning of my days and life, He wants to be with me when I eat, sleep, hang out with friends, even at school. He does not want me to treat Him like a neighbour; saying hello to him once in a while (i.e. irregular prayer), brief and periodic meetings with him (i.e. spending time with Him only at church) and only going to Him for requests. I’m not saying that God doesn’t want to bless me (or anyone else for that matter) and more often than not He comes through for us, but it seems unfair to ignore him throughout the week and then when a crisis hits, run straight to God.

Exodus 34:14 says “…for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you”. God wants a relationship, not just a business agreement. We need to seek after Him and pant after Him like a deer would pant after water (Ps. 42:1).

Jeremiah 29:13
If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.

SEA Update

2007-04-20T01:19:00.001-04:00

Well there's less than 2 weeks to go before I leave for South East Africa. The pressure is on now to get everything done. I have packing and shopping and vaccinations and raising just a bit more money and of course, writing 3 exams but it's all good. I'm soo happy to see that I've got close to $3000 raised for support already...that just means only $1600 more to go! God is soooo incredible. It was great seeing people who I don't even know sending me money to support me for my trip. Such a great test of faith and I'm trusting for the rest.
I keep hearing horror stories about the bugs and conditions there (cuz I really HATE insects) and I thought they'd be a huge deterrent but I really don't feel as disgusted and freaked out about it as I normally would which is totally telling me that this is where God wants me to be. SOO EXCITED! I know about 5-6 people that are going (cuz they're also from my university) so its' really cool. I promise to try to take lots of pictures. Those who know me know that I go trigger crazy and take like 80 pictures a day but since I"m gone for 6 weeks I don't think that will be quite possible lol. 2000 pictures tops lol. Thank God for digital cameras! haha. Anywayz, I'll hopefully give another update before I leave and of course when I get back (if I can't get to it while I'm gone). Ciao!

Last Week

2007-04-09T17:40:00.002-04:00

Last week was in a word...INCREDIBLE. School ended, had a formal AND got to see Phantom of the Opera. It was awesome!
So yeah, tuesday school ended (3 exams but they're in like 2 weeks). Then later that night I went by a friend's house to help prepare for the Night at the Opera formal. We ended up watching James Bond (again, but always fun) and then the Count of Monte Cristo...good times. Cakes were all over the place, there were chocolates getting put into pretty packages and seating arrangements to be made. It was great.
Wednesday was the big day. A Night at the Opera formal which was AMAZING! Had a great time. My table was Phantom of the Opera and yeah..words can't describe. Pictures can be found at: http://yorku.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2134002&l=ec07c&id=48921024
Thursday was Phantom of the Opera. It was sooooooo good. I had seen the movie first so it seemed like theatre would be hard to top but it was very comparable. And i found that a lot more stuff was explained in the theatre than i the movie which made it cool. Also, the set and costumes were great! Afterwords we went to Demetres for some good dessert. All in all a fabulous night!

Miracle of Life

2007-03-24T22:18:00.000-04:00

Today my aunt (that i live with) had her baby. After 9-ish long months the amazing day finally arrived. It was soo awesome. I got to be there for the whole thing...bad labour and all. The darling little girl arrived at 3:09PM and she is honestly the cutest/prettiest little baby girl i have EVER seen. My own future children will have a tough time beating that beauty lol. And she's sooo quite and alert! She stayed awake for about 3 hours after she was born which is fairly uncommon. Anywayz, I can't wait till she can come home. She's soo tiny and fragile but GORGEOUS! I get another whole year of her. I'm so excited!

I'M GOING TO SEA!!

2007-03-09T13:56:00.001-05:00

AHHHHHHHH!!! I just just JUST got my acceptance to the SouthEast Africa project and i'm STOKED! I repeat, STOKED! I CAN"T WAIT to go lol. I was stressing and freaking out throughout the week but now it's official and in 6 weeks or so I will be in the beautiful continent of Africa. I'm at a loss for words! I'm so grateful that God has a plan and use for me there and I can go there and further advance the kingdom and work that He has set out. I'm so excited to meet all the students and people there and also all the students and staff going from Canada. I'm sooo excited to see how God will totally come through and help me raise all the money I need (it's a decent amount lol). I can't wait to do what it is I was placed on this earth to do, and that's to:
Win for the Lamb that was slain the reward of his suffering

I'm Still Standing

2007-03-08T22:50:00.000-05:00

It's been quite awhile I don't even think I can remember how to blog lol. Life's been pretty good. Lately it's been the routine stuff, minimal sleep, school, work, church, C4C stuff, driving Black Beauty etc etc. Nothing out of the ordinary. Had two exams (one yesterday and one today) soo tiring and actually somewhat difficult but oh well, that's life. I saw Zodiac on Saturday. Long movie but pretty good. It was great cuz I got to go with 2 very cool people and since we missed the movie at the time we wanted we just hung around and talked until the next showing happened. Church has been incredible...really great words being spoken (a blog on that later).
I'm still waiting to hear if i'm accepted to the SouthEast Africa project (mission trip) so hopefully later this week I'll know. It's soo hard being patient! lol

On a colder note, it got pretty cold here the past few days. And i know all my Winnipeg peeps will think i'm a big sucky baby saying it. But considering i've been here now for almost 3 winters in a row, i think i'm gettin a bit climatized. Anywayz, as I was saying, it got pretty cold. We were at moderate "march-like" temperatures for about a week and then *BAM* -31 weather. Ridiculous! I actually plugged in my car (go block heaters go). It's been intense but apparently it's gettin warmer by the end of the week so we'll see.

What If?

2007-02-23T11:29:00.000-05:00

What If

What if you're right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you're right?
What if it's true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true?

What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find?

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold?

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

You've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land for so long
But what if you're wrong?

--Nicole Nordeman

New Year's Resolutions and Birthdays

2007-01-26T22:29:00.000-05:00

I know it's a bit late to be talking about New Year's Resolutions but it's almost my birthday and I'll do what i want to lol just kidding. Honestly though, this year I thought that I wouldn't be thinking up any resolutions...not cuz I thought I was perfect and needed nothing to improve on, but because I really just don't take them too seriously and just didn't really care. Anywayz, that changed probably a day or two into New Year's when I decided that this year I really wanted to be completely available to anything that God wanted me to do. Which basically meant surrendering everything to Him and being obedient to His calls. It's been an interesting process so far. I can see the change in my life and in my attitude towards others whether it be with forgiveness, or kindness or just being more loving (although it's still a struggle with the customers at work; BUT God has in many ways removed that struggle by placing me in the back room to do stock away from all the customers. THANK YOU LORD!) But on the serious side, it's just been great gettin to know more and more about Him and getting deeper and deeper. He really is incredible.

It's kinda cool to see how different things fall into place. The books I've been reading recently (Don't Waste your Life - John Piper, Captivating - John&Stasi Elderidge, Fantasy - don't remember) and then the messages I've been hearing at church and just how they all fit together with whatever God has planned for this year. At time's it's kinda frightening but I'm willing to obey and I trust He knows what's best.

On another note, it's my birthday tomorrow (well in 1.5 hours) and I have NO idea what to expect of my 21st year lol. I can't believe I've been alive for almost 21 years. It's crazy lol,, 1997 seems like yesterday and it's been 10 years. Wow. It's starting to hit me as I write this I think, cuz i've just been too busy to think about it the past few days. But yeah, it's coming up soon and my dad, mom and younger sister are here in Toronto to celebrate it with me. Pretty cool. I guess, since I'll be legal everywhere, I'll be "officially" an adult...into a new phase lol. Oh well, I still have 1.5 hours of young-ness to go and I'll use it wisely (oh wait, only adults do things wise) lol i mean...i'll be RECKLESS haha jk.

Ps. For those of you who are past 21, i'm not saying you're old...age is relative!

C is for Cookie

2007-01-13T22:57:00.000-05:00

2007 The year of insanity lol. That's how it will feel as the year progresses. I've been really trying not to plan out my whole life because a) it never works out how I've planned and 2) you never really know what could happen. So yeah, as much as I'm trying to do that, there are definitely some things I have to start putting in motion like going to South East Africa for summer project, finding a good job with relevant experience for Psychology, thinking about my fourth year thesis and then all the other thoughts of everyday life. However, a very wise man (Jesus) once said... "So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing...Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." So hopefully I can apply that to my life.

Other than that, life's pretty much back to normal. I'm workin still and doing the school thing. I've got some dreadfully boring classes but a great pal in one of those classes with me and she makes it a lot more enjoyable. My internet hasn't really been working well so that's been a bit of frustration to me and those I've chatted with lol. sorry guys! My super cool dad popped by for a quick visit en-route to the beautiful island of St. Vincent where he's goin to chill with my equally cool grandfather. He'll be headin back this way later in the month, just in time to celebrate my 21st birthday (i know..so old lol) so that should be fun. Anywayz, so much to do and so little time. Until we meet again...

Let it snow?

2006-12-31T19:08:00.000-05:00

At most times I would say yes. If I was in Toronto i'd most likely say yes because there's been like no snow all season. However, in Winnipeg, the story is different. I got in almost 2 weeks ago and there was a significant amount of snow on the ground but not nearly enough to call it "SNOW" in winnipeg (i could be exaggerating). But all that changed yesterday when this fabulous city of mine provided us with about a foot of snow. That's 12 inches (or 30 centimeters)! It was insane! And it was falling all nice and pretty too...not blizzardy conditions at all but when we woke up this morning, most people could barely get out of their houses. My van...the great van that gets through so much, got stuck a number of times and unfortuantely I forgot to put the shovel in the trunk. Oh well! It was an adventure that's for sure. Quite a few churches didn't open, even the stores were EMPTY. It was the fastest time shopping in Walmart all season! It's so pretty outside though. Can't really complain and of course it being New Year's Eve...people will NOT be staying indoors nor will we be calling the Canadian Army to help us out (coughcoughTorontocoughcough). Winnipeg, Winnipeg...how I love Winnipeg!

Greetings from the "cool"

2006-12-29T02:22:00.000-05:00

Hey hey hey! Once again I haven't been able to stay as on track with this as I'd like. It's just been too insane this past week. I can't believe I've only got like 5 more days left here. So much to do, so little time! The weather's been AMAZING. The only really cold day was Christmas but we were pretty much indoors all day so no worries there. I'm quite impressed. Sadly to say, I've been to Moxies at least 4 times since I've been here. Three times in a row at one point! The Wednesday I got in, the Thursday AND the Friday (and all at the same location too!) Lame...I know hahaha but it's all good times. I managed to stay away from ALL stores on Boxing Day, I figured since I work in retail and almost always have to work that day that I would avoid the chaos. AND my greatest accomplishment this trip...my hat! I finally found a hat that works for me! hahaha some may not understand but i've NEVER been able to find a hat that I could actually wear and I've always wanted one and I have finally gotten it. It's probably due to the long hair but I won't complain haha. I'm definitely missin Toronto but I don't really want to go back to school work, textbooks OR work. Oh well, such is life. Well that's all for now, many of my readers are at Winter Conference (hopefully I'll get to go next year) but many are also reading this lol. TTFN!

Home Sweet Home

2006-12-22T01:49:00.000-05:00

YAY I'm back at home! It's such a great feeling. I've been in town maybe 30 hours or so and have done SO much already and seen SO many people it's ridic. It's only goin to get better. AND my family took some intiative and decorated the house this year "all by themselves" without me having to prod which is amazing. No stress of school, or shopping, or anything really. I totally needed this. My friends are amazing as always...same with the family. Great times have been had. They're all so happy cuz I got a new hairstyle (pictures to come) and yeah, apparently i'm looking alright hahaha. I can't complain about that now can I. The weather is also quite mild for Winterpeg...It's only like -5 to -1 during the days which is amazing considering it could be like -30. There's some snow but not a ton and the streets can be icy. Speakin of streets, great times driving the vans hahaha. You know you're home when. Black Beauty (my car) is great and all but nothing compares to those first vehicles that you drive, which for me, were my two vans lol. Well, that's all for now. I'll keep the updates. PS. For those in Toronto/GTA area, I MISS YOU TONS. It's only been 30 hours but seems like days already. Can't wait to see you again!

A glimpse into my Life

2006-12-14T23:23:00.000-05:00

It has been FOREVER since I've written a blog (at least it feel that way). I'm not even sure why I havne't been writing; the first little bit was because I was in some type of a slump and just didn't feel like doin much of anything and then there was the 50% off sale at Jacob which has dominated the past 8 days of my life (7 days of working in a row!) So let's do a quick flashback through time to see what I've been up to.

School (well the semester) has ended and I had my first exam today (the next is the 20th) which went suprisingly well considering I didn't get to study as much as I wanted (due to working) and I got virtually no sleep last night (well perhaps just an hour). It was BRUTAL. I'm really disliking this insomnia that comes and goes as it pleases and disrupts my life. Anywayz, I've also completed my packing because I get to go home in 6 days!!! Soo excited! AND I've finished all my Christmas present shopping...I'm on the ball this year which is so rare.

Last week, had to write a paper, and then relaxed and then a GREAT time Salsa Dancing at Babaluus with some of the C4C ladies. It was such a great time and a great bonding experience. The best was looking for a fast food place that was open past 1AM because apparently nothing was. Sorry you had to settle for that healthy bagel Eunice lol.

Other than that, not too much else goin on besides this crazy sale with crazy customers. Honestly, the things people do to save a few bucks is incredible! I'll have to repost some previous blogs for retail enjoyment. I've also decided that while I love this city, I dont' think I could stay here. Say what you'd like about Winnipeg, it's got GREAT people who are soo friendly (with a few exceptions) who wouldn't think twice about helping you out. Sorry, I know there's people like that here, but in the past few weeks I've been "done wrong by" with so many people here that it's so frustrating and definitely wearing on me. I guess I'll just have to deal...I chose to be here right...

Anyway, once again, quite lengthy so congrats if you've made it this far!

Some more from the Extravaganzaa

2006-12-03T21:58:00.000-05:00

Hey Hey...for those of you who were unable to make it or stay for all of the Christmas party...the fabulous Jeana took a mini video of the song me and Nakita did so I'll post it below.

Figure Skating and Hockey UNITE

2006-12-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

My cousin just sent this to me. It's HILARIOUS! The figure skater OWNS the hockey players lol.

What an Adventure-filled Day

2006-11-30T23:27:00.000-05:00

Words cannot truly describe the events of this day. Well, maybe they can. Let's start around 12am...I decide to make my way to bed after gettin off the phone with my bff in Winnipeg. I made it to the bed, but the sleep just wouldn't come. And so it began, another insomnia filled night where every hour I found myself looking at the clock and wondering why i wasn't yet asleep. Grr. Finally, around 5:30 I was like "God, i need AT LEAST 2 hours of sleep to function so PLEASE let me get some sleep" and around 6ish I must have fallen asleep cuz at 8am the alarm woke me up. Ugh. So I force myself out of bed at about 8:15 cuz I had soo much to do and soo little time to do it.

Flash forward a bit, I met up with one of my DG girls and we had a great time together and then headed to our final DG of the semester *tear* where we ate lunch at Blueberry Hill and just chilled. It was a lot of fun.

Then it's about 1pm and I should have been goin to class but skipped it and met up with the fabulous Barb to go over the events of the evening (532 Christmas Extravaganza) and we have a splendid time digressing and all of the above.

Ok, now is where the day gets interesting. During my other DG of the day, what sounded like a fire alarm starts goin off in the Student Centre. So we all kinda look at each other and look at the people outside of the room and none seem to be panicking or moving so we just kinda continue doing what we're doing. About 5 mins later or so, this lady from the Student Centre office comes in telling us that it is NOT a drill and we have to exit immediately. So we get herded out of the Student Centre where everyone kinda has no clue what's goin on and we just wait patiently/impatiently for the ok to get back in. That comes about 10 mins later and life resumes somewhat normal.

Flash forward again and we've got our FABULOUS 532 Christmas Extravaganza (party) which was incredible. I must say that Barb, my co-emcee was AMAZING. She is such a blessing to work with and I am soo happy that I do. We had a blast emcee-ing and switching it up (pictures to come). The games were tons of fun and the acts for the talent show were also just amazing lol (as you can tell, i'm running out of great words that don't make me sound nerdy); we had some singing, some instrumentals, some rap, some sign language, some improv and the judges from American Idol were there to judge (Simon - Terra, Paula - Steve S, Randy - Janette). Such a blast. I'd also like to thank my partner Nakita for singing Now Behold the Lamb with me (I hope she reads this).

Anywayz, this is quite lengthy and if you've made it this far, give yourself a pat on the back or a gold start or whatever tickles your fancy. Pictures and maybe more stories to come. Congrats to all the acts!

You know you're a psychologist when...

2006-11-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

Wow, I feel nerdy just typing this. However, last night it happened. The dreadful occurrence I've always feared (well i acutally don't think I've ever thought about it...but yeah) So yeah I was sleeping and started dreaming of....PSYCHOLOGY. My goodness lol. I had this dream that some person was telling another person about Skinner's theory on reinforcement and they were telling it wrong and I was freaking out saying "NO YOU"RE WRONG YOU"RE WRONG" lol Sooo bizarre. I didn't wake up in a cold sweat or anything but yeah I woke up thinking...weird! Just another day in the life of Me.

What can you get for $20

2006-11-27T15:43:00.000-05:00

A lot apparently. I went to Urban Planet after work yesterday cuz they had a 50% off sale items sale and thought I'd just look around and see if anything nice was there. Well I found a couple really nice dresses, $5 each, a t-shirt for like $5 and the most adorable purse for $3. It was quite the rewarding shopping trip. Now I can safely put myself aside and buy for family lol jk. I've started buying for family...it's weird, I'm gettin an early start on the presents this year. Maybe it's because I'm gettin home so late (Dec 20th) and so I won't have time to shop once I get home. It's a good thing though, buying ahead...avoiding the RUSH!

In other news, this weekend was fabulous! Went bowling with C4C peeps and friends. Cosmic (Glow) Bowling! It was soo much fun. I haven't gone bowling in so long and it was great. Saturday I unfortunately had to work but afterwards came home and watched a few movies with my cousins and aunts. We saw The Breakup (second time for me) and Phat Girls; they were both pretty funny. Sunday I had a massive migraine in the morning which kept me in bed for a few hours, then had to drag myself to work and later on watched The Last King of Scotland with my cousins, aunt and uncle. It's a really really good movie. The acting is really great, the subject matter interesting (the rise of Idi Amin) and it wasn't soo "Hollywood" (possibly because it was an independent British film). But yeah, I'd definitely suggest it.

Countdown to home, 24 days!!! Can't wait to get back and see all my fantastic friends and family (and caught in the rut of missing people here). I just can't win lol.

What to say?

2006-11-26T00:42:00.000-05:00

Well i don't really have a lot to say. Life's been goin pretty much normally for the past little while. The Henna party went GREAT but i guess i'll make that its own separate blog. However, I hadn't really written anything in a while so I thought it'd be best that I say something. Maybe I'll leave you all with a quote:

Faith is to believe what we do not see; and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe. - St. Augstine -

Retail...can we ever be friends?

2006-11-18T23:43:00.000-05:00

The answer is maybe...

I'm actually enjoying Jacob a lot more this year than last. The staff are still AMAZING and the customers suprisingly enough are NOT wretched. There's the few who try to spoil the day but on the whole...MUCH improved. Perhaps it's because I only work 15 hours a week as opposed to the 25-30 i did last year so i'm not there as often...not too sure.

There's been a few incidents but nothing extremely worth mentioning except fot this one today. Kinda funny, kinda frustrating. So basically we have to let customers into the washroom because we keep them locked. So I put the key in the handle to unlock the door and i get it unlocked but the key is still in the door as the customer YANKS the door open (WITH my arm) and i'm like..."one second" and she's like "it's ok! it's ok!" and im thinking "not it's NOT ok because my hand it attached to the door that you're yanking open; the proper response is "sorry" where I then reply "it's ok" lol. So anywayz, my friend Annie tells me that happens to her all the time too so it's not only me. That's about as harsh as it's been besides the constant returns and the talkin on the phones...

But that...my friends...is another issue....another blog...

Awesomeness

2006-11-12T23:27:00.000-05:00

Today as I was driving home from work I was singing Obsession by Delirious? in my car (I always tend to sing while driving) Anyway, that is besides the point. Well, I don't know why but today it hit me just how amazing music really truly is. And i don't mean like garbage that anyone just throws instruments together, but like great music. I know my main mode of worship is through like music and songs but I was overwhelmed today by the awesomeness of God as I listened to Obsession basically because there's points in the song where the music just gets sooo intense and soo incredible and you can just feel God's presence from the music alone, even the quieter parts. And then I got to thinking, how awesome is my God that He's provided us with music to be able to express the things which our voices and words alone just could never express. Just to experience the sublime (impressing the mind with a sense of grandeur or power; inspiring awe) in respect to music just completely took my breath away. Thank you God

Am I not in Third Year?

2006-11-06T13:51:00.000-05:00

Ok, so i'm sitting in tutorial and we're going through this BRUTAL analysis of Tintern Abbey by Wordsworth and by brutal i mean brutal. The TA would get us to read some lines of the poem and then she'd read it over and over asking us the most obvious questions. For example, one part of the poem talks of something having "no trivial influence" and she proceeds to tell us that the words in the poem can be hard to understand (she meant the word trivial) and then asked someone to explaiin it to the class, which this guy did quickly cuz he hates when she asks us pointless questions. So he says trivial means in some sense small. And she's like "Correct! and so he's talking about small influences". Then she's like and the word "no" in front of it, means the opposite. (OH MY GOODNESS!) lol The guy just looks at me with the most annoyed and incredulous look on his face lol and we start laughing cuz come on! Obviously it means "no small influence", I don't know why she had to point that out.

Later on in the lecture someone left the room and the door is automatically locked and so when they tried to come back to the room he had to knock to get in. And she's like "Oh I guess he can't get in" and everyone just looks at each other with a look of "Is she serious". I mean, if he's knocking on the door, it clearly means he can't get in. Ugh, it was Monday morning and I was clearly just not in the mood for being treated like a third grade student...maybe she's confused third year university with third year in school...

Oh body, how I love thee

2006-11-01T01:59:00.000-05:00

For those who don't know me, I tend to hurt myself quite a bit. And it's not normally severe or anything, I've never broken any bones (although in many cases I wish that was the case). No, in my situations, I always manage to hurt myself in ways that are not easily fixed/healed and that require immense pain on my end. For example, one Christmas, on my way to a potluck, I fell down the steps in my garage with all body weight on my elbow. Did my elbow break? No it did not, apparently i just "bruised" the bone...an injury which resulted in pain for 2 years because, nothing could be done except take some pain killers and ice it.

Well...I've done it again. And I'm not talking about falling down the steps and hurting my elbow. But I am talkin about hurting myself in a way that is not easily fixed/healed and which requires immense pain on my end. While in Motivation (psyc) class, I felt the urge to sneeze...apparently my body was not prepared for this urge (which i will explain later). Anywayz, I'm feelin this urge so I go ahead and sneeze but try to be somewhat discreet which I guess meant that I was tryin to hold it in (BAD MOVE). So after the sneeze, I feel this horrendous pain in my right ribcage/lower abdomin and i'm like...great...what did i do now. Thankfully there was a break just around that time (cuz i had difficulties holding the pen to write the pages of notes) and I decided to give good ol nurse Mom a call and see what she thought. She told me to go get it checked out (cuz I perhaps cracked a rib....it happens). So I went.

After waiting an hour in the clinic at school the doctor finally sees me and does some checking and then tells me that no i'm not 90 years old and did not crack a lung, however, when I sneezed, my body did not send signals to my muscles indicating to them that I was about to sneeze and so they should therefore relax and expand and when i sneezed, i ended up ripping most of the muscles apart. Hurrah! So he tells me that (suprise suprise) there's nothing I can do for it except take some pain killers and perhaps ice it and avoid any sudden movements that will rip the remaining muscles (which are hanging by a thread). By sudden movements he means laughing, deep breathing...anything really.

So here I go again....pain for weeks with no relief in sight. Smart going body...smart going...maybe next time we can all be on the same page when a sneeze or yawn or even a blink occurs to prevent further pain for us all!

Back to the Grind

2006-10-30T23:02:00.001-05:00

I apologize for lack of blogging in the past few days but i have been sooooo busy with everything that I just couldn't make time. Perhaps if i did my readings throughout the week and not have to read like 5 chapters in a night before a test i would fair better....one could only guess lol.

So basically not too much new and fabulous goin on with me. Friday I worked, Saturday I worked but then had a work Halloween party at one of the girl's houses. It was good fun...got to catch up with old coworkers who i haven't seen since like last Christmas and just got to cill and relax. Sunday, worked did school work...the usual. OH! I got the books I ordered online on Sunday, I'm soo excited to read them...i'll probably blog about them in the future. I just finished reading Jane Austen's "Persuasion" which is a really good book. I like Jane Austen, however, I find that her books truly put the "ending" in happy endings. Like 260 pages can go by just learning about the characters and knowing that the great romance will happen at the end but seeing only 20 pages left, knowing that you'll just get the short end of it. I guess that's her style, and i do respect it. She was a great author.

Well the main point of this was to talk about a few experiences at that I've already had at Jacob but I'm no longer in the mood so i'll have to do it tomorrow or wednesday lol. Sorry to get your hopes up!

Ugh Midterms

2006-10-24T21:00:00.000-04:00

Finally finished the last "official" midterm for the fall semester. My goodness, school is torture. So much reading, so much studying, ick Ick ICK! However, I can relax for a night (well i techically can't but I will anyway). So back to this midterm, 70 multiple choice, 10 matching and 4 "short" answers. I say "short" answers because they're really not short at all, they're practically page long answers, some with multiple paragraphs, and how they're considered short I do not know. I remember those days when short answer questions required short answers; questions where the answers required only 2 sentences, not 30 lol. Thank goodness only 1.5 years until i'm done....then another 4 oh boy. Why didn't I just wanna be a hairdresser??

Luke 22:42

2006-10-21T23:41:00.000-04:00

He looked ahead at all that would befall him
He would be betrayed
He would be arrested
He would be denied
He would be found guilty in a mock trial
He would be condemned
He would be beaten
He would be mocked
He would be scorned
He would be ridiculed
He would be flogged
He would be spat on
He would be forsaken
And so he asked,
“Father, if it is possible, please take this cup of suffering from me”
Then he looked beyond the trials to eternity
He saw the criminal who would ask to be remembered
He saw twelve men take the Gospel into the world
He saw spiritual multiplication
He saw millions coming to him in repentance
He saw human lives changed
He saw extreme displays of love and charity
He saw people living by faith
He saw men and women returning to their first love
He saw children proclaiming their love for him
He saw people coming to him with worship
He saw the joy we could only have by knowing him
He saw the gap between creation and Creator bridged
He saw forgiveness of sins
And so he said,
“Nevertheless, not my will, not my desire, but Your will and Your desire, be done”

© October 21, 2006, C. S. L.

Sometimes the very thing we don't want to do, is the very thing that we need to do. Don't let persecution and fear prevent you from doing certain things, look at the eternal perspective and receive your strength from Christ.

Luke 22:43 -- Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him. (NLT)

A Time for Laughing, a Time for Weeping...

2006-10-15T19:35:00.000-04:00

So far this weekend has been eventful. Not really much else I can say to that. Friday night was more indoor beach volleyball action. It was great, me and a friend joined up with these random other people and ended up winning like 8 games in a row. Talk about Domination! haha jk It was a lot of fun, great times with everyone. Afterwards we wanted some Frosty's and ice cream so we went to a nearby Wendy's before it closed but alas, their Frosty machine was broken. So, me and another friend went to McDonalds cuz we REALLY wanted something ice cream like, but the nearest mcdonalds was CLOSED...even the drive through...we were not impressed let me tell you. Anywayz, we went back to join the others at Tim Hortons and we had some great convos until about 4am then it was time to go home and hit the sack.

Skip to Saturday at about 8:45am and we get the dreaded long distance phone call. My uncle, who had had the stroke a couple weeks ago, had passed away. :( So that was definitely not the best news although it was somewhat expected. I wasn't really sure what to feel; I was mostly shocked because he was always able to recover in previous times so that's how I started my day. Later on I hung out with some cousins and we ended up watchin a couple movies so that was the rest of night.

Fastforward to today and it was my first day back at Jacob. The shift was pretty good. It's great seeing friends from before and working with those fun people again. Now it's time for reading and studying...booo...

Update on Life

2006-10-11T22:51:00.000-04:00

Well I haven't really posted since Summit and that was like 2 weeks ago so I figured I should let you all know I'm still here and alive and give you a little update on my life. School's been goin alright, had 2 midterms already, got 88% on one of them (Woot!!) and did the other one yesterday so I won't know that mark for a little while.

Other than that, life's been pretty decent. I went back to Jacob to see if they're re-hire me and they sure did. So I start workin on Sunday, 4 days a week...it'll be tough but we'll see how it all goes in the end. And a lot of the girls I used to work with before are back again so it'll be great. I'm actually kinda excited.

I finally went back to "almost" all night volleyball on Friday. Great times playing volleyball from like 9:45pm until 2am and making new friends with other "regulars" who go often and play with us most games. It's soo cool to have like an indoor beach volleyball area. I had a blast. It's always fun hanging out with friends who LOVE volleyball. Thanks guys! See you there this Friday!

I went to Ottawa for Thanksgiving. It was kind of an impromptu trip but turned out to be bittersweet. I went out to lend support to my aunt and cousin because my uncle got suddenly sick and was in the hospital so that aspect wasn't too great (please pray for him, he's not doing too well) but it was great seeing the family again and my fun "aunt" Deneise who came out from Montreal.

Anywayz, that's about it for now. Oh my sister got her full license so she's driving now...Yikes! haha jk. It's all good. Kinda miss my family but I guess that's just normal...being away from what u've known for 18 years. 2 more months till I'm home again! Until then...i will continue in this space i've made for myself lol.

Less is More

2006-10-04T23:26:00.000-04:00

Jesus, I pray
Take all my mistakes
Throw them away
Destroy them for my sake

Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry
Because I fall so short of your glory
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
I pour out myself
All that I am
You love me so much
That you fill me again
And may these words on my heart, on my lips
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Know what I'm trying to say

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
'Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
I pour out myself, before you oh Lord
I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more
And may these words on my heart on my lips,
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Just know what I'm tryin' to say

Jesus, I plead
Please purify me
Make my heart clean
Drench me with your mercy
Jesus, I pray
I love you, I need you
For the rest of my days
I swear I will seek you
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more.

-- Relient K

SUMMIT

2006-10-03T00:12:00.000-04:00

I am back from Summit! It was such an amazing time I’m not sure if I’m completely happy being back but I am enjoying a heated house. Why you ask? Well I’ll let you know

Friday:
Basically slept in, washed some clothes and made the 2 hour trek to school (somehow it took a LOT longer than normal) Anywayz, made it to school and all that jazz that has to go on until bus time. Go Bus #2 haha. So yeah, on the bus, met some wicked cool people (I won’t name names because I’ll get myself in trouble) and we got our war paint on for the battle of the campuses that were to happen that night. Let’s just say, Switzerland would be SOO happy to have me in their country, my face was a magnificent Swiss flag (lol York colors are red and white). Me and Andrea, we ‘represent’ Switzerland. And yes, I am away that Canada’s colors are also red and white but our flag is just soo much harder to draw. So yeah, we arrive and register and get our cabins (not winterized OR insulated but we were able to manage) and all that fun stuff and then off to Friday night session where there was some P&W (praise and worship) and the speaker (Alex) came up and told us a bit about his life and what we could expect out of the weekend. Then it was off to the dining lounge for snacks and some healthy (and loud) University Spirit Competitions. I had heard about these…but you NEVER quite know until you experience them. WOW is really the only word I can say. I must say that the skools did a great job. My hearing doctor may not agree (Just kidding!) Afterwards was bedtime, except I got no sleep cuz it was too cold to sleep. BRRR I never thought that temperature could totally keep someone awake until this weekend. I’ve been so hot it was uncomfortable to sleep but never too cold that it was impossible to sleep. Oh well, first time for everything and it was definitely worth it (somewhat)

Saturday
Well today was the only full day at Camp White Pine…started with a 7:30 wake up call for prayer and then breakfast (mmm pancakes and sausage) at 8. Of course, more campus rivalry went on at breakfast; congo lines, soccer cheers, the whole shebang. Great times though. Then we had the first session of the day with more P&W, some cool video clips, and a great talk by Alex on why we are in university, he linked it with Joshua 3 and 4 and it was absolutely incredible (maybe in a next blog or ask if you wanna know). Then we had some quiet time where me and my amazing God had a great time together. I learnt so much in that short 25 mins. Next was a training session on ways we could enhance ourselves and our purpose. Then lunch…mmm, a great combination of hot dogs, pasta, French fries, soup, salad, you name it, they had it (well not quite) but it was great. Then was free time with the Summit Game (we had trivia questions in the morning session and the number you got right determined the number of water balloons gotten) which basically was sling-shotting water balloons into a tarp that the teammates were holding. York didn’t win but it was tons of fun to watch. Afterwards was the T.O. versus everyone else football game with T.O. won. Teeeeeeeee Ooooooooooooo! Dinner, followed by another amazing session where Alex spoke on how offensive sin is to God (that will definitely be in a blog) and then we had some extended P&W time. After that, the Dutch Blitz Showdown began….great times with Dutch Blitz and I was sooo sleep deprived that I got crazy excited and super hyper as always (Camillia knows what I mean) and now everyone else does too! Lol. I definitely crashed that night in bed and slept rather well and with more layers on than the first night.

Sunday
Morning started out at 7:30 again, with some breakfast, a morning session on discipline and what it means to us (Alex truly did amazing this entire weekend and he was SOO funny) then we had campus times where we got together as York (and the other campuses did the same) and discussed what we liked about the weekend, prayed with each other and made up some wicked cool cheers lol. We then went to lunch where we demonstrated, and dominated, our cheers with our own “chug-a chug-a line” haha. Afterwards was packing up and sadly, leaving the great Camp White Pine to head back to Teeee Oooooo where life went back to normal.

All in all GREAT WEEKEND. Totally worth every penny and I’m soo glad I made it. If anyone wants to know more (cuz this was definitely the short version) JUST ASK!

Ahhh Summit!

2006-09-29T12:34:00.000-04:00

The day for Summit has finally arrived! So excited. What is Summit you ask? Well it's a fall retreat for the students involved in Campus for Christ all over North America (and possibly elsewhere). We (York) are going with U of Toronto, Ryerson, McMaster, Guelph and Waterloo. It's gunna be grrrrrrreat! Anywayz, obviously u'll all be hearing about it on Sunday when I get back...so keep on readin!

Choices

2006-09-27T23:48:00.000-04:00

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

I was thinking a few days ago how people tend to blame God when things go wrong in the world or when things go wrong within their own lives. And I was led to the verse listed above, that basically explains that God had/has plans for us, from before our conception He had plans. His plans were and are for good, they are not intended to cause us trouble or to make us stumble. His plans provide us with a future and a hope; they do not lead us down a destructive path that cuts our life short or puts us in despair.

So what causes the bad things that happen in life to happen? The choices that we make. People always say that throughout life, everything is met with a choice, and it's true. You wake up and there are so many choices already laid out infront of you; do you get out of bed or stay in bed, do you shower or not, do you go to work/school or just stay at home, and the list goes on until the choice is to go to sleep or to stay awake. And the cycle continues. One can see how these choices can lead to "bad" events; if one refuses to go to work, he/she might get laid off and a whole ripple effect could come from that.

Sometimes our choices affect only us, and other times, they could be damaging or hurtful to other people. Many times, those are the choices that have people turn and cry out "Why?" to God. We can think of many examples I'm sure; the World Wars, terrorism, adultery, revenge, etc. However, we must bear in mind that God is not to be blamed for these events. Yes, He is all-knowing and yes, He certainly has the power to stop anything horrible from happening but He has given us human beings free will to do and act as we please and so in many ways, the responsibility lies on us. It's like a parent-child relationship; a parent may have plans for their child to become a doctor or a lawyer or something they feel is "good" for their child, but in the end, it's the child who decides what path his/her life is going to take. If he/she disobeys the parents, gets involved in a dangerous or unhealthy lifestyle and unfortunately reaps bad results, are the parents really to blame?

The prodigal son (Luke 15) had a similar situation, where he left his father to go off on his own and live the life he wanted. He eventually hit very very hard times and realized that he had been wrong and went to his father, took responsibility for his actions and asked to be forgiven. How amazing is it that our Heavenly Father will do the same if we just admit that we were wrong, take responsibility for our wrong/bad actions (sin) and come to Him for forgiveness. And He is able to continue to have great plans for us if we only trust in Him and surrender ourselves to Him. He wants what's best for us and He knows what's best for us so He is able to provide for us the things that we need.

My Ottawa Trip

2006-09-25T16:11:00.000-04:00

Some Memories from Winnipeg

2006-09-17T23:09:00.000-04:00

Tired but Bouncy

2006-09-17T01:05:00.000-04:00

I have had quite the excitement filled week. Other than boring school, there's been following up on contacts with C4C, meeting with people, making new friends, having an AMAZING weekly meeting and then a GREAT weekend so far.

I'll start with yesterday (Friday). So basically I lazed around during the day although I was supposed to be applying for jobs (blah) but i THINK i might go back to Jacob (that's a WHOLE other blog though lol) so yeah, I didn't do a lot cuz I was pretty worn out from the week and knew I was going to have an eventful evening. At night was a Girl's Social with some girls from C4C. Basically a time to just hang out and get to know each other better....Girl's Night! So we had a BBQ and some pasta salad, some pizza egg rolls, some chips, some pavlova (sp) and then played Cranium, which is quite the amazing game. Afterwards, it was gettin somewhat late and we decided we must depart ince we all had to be at UofT for 10am for Training Day (no...not the movie)

So I dropped off a couple people at the place they were sleeping and then went on my way to drop Andrea off. On our way, she informed me that her brother (Steven) and our friend Jon were playing volleyball until 2am and wondered if I was slightly interested in going to watch. Obviously I said yes...it's VOLLEYBALL. So we headed over there and saw Barb and her friend from Australia playing there too. We had an great time...Andrea and I found a spare ball and just played some pepper and what not for a while, we were joined by some of the ladies for a bit and even got a chance to play a game cuz some guys needed 2 extra players. So basically it was a fun, sweaty and sandy (beach volleyball style) experience that I'm hoping to repeat fairly soon. I can't believe how much I've missed playing it. Well, that night I got home about 3:15 and went to sleep at 4 and had to wake up at 8:30 in order to get to Training Day. Ugh....why do people do stupidness like get only 4 1/2 hours of sleep? lol

Training Day was great. Unfortunately we (me, Andrea, Jon and Steven) got off to a slow-ish start and arrived late :( However, everyone was gracious and I learned a lot about things to epect and things that would make this year amazing in terms of gaining momentum and creating a movement and things to do with my DG (discipleship group). So basically i'm super super excited to see what God's got in store for this year.

After Training Day, went by Andrea and Steven's for a bit. Had fun, sang some songs, played some music and did all the crazy fun stuff that people do lol. Then went home, got the cousins and we watched Tyler Perry's "I Can Do Bad Myself" which was hilarious and interesting. Gotta love his plays, I just wish I could see them in person sometime.

Anywayz, that's basically it for now. It's almost 1am and I'm still running on only 4 1/2 hours of sleep so i'm a BIT tired. So you tell me, is sleep a necessity? I would think so....as i'm half asleep on here lol jk. NITE FOLKS!

What Man Intended for Evil

2006-09-09T13:12:00.000-04:00

I always wonder why some things turn out the way they do. You think about those job promotions that you never received, the relationship you wanted to happen but didn't, a loved one you had leaving the world prematurely and the list could go on. And in our mortal mindsets these events can be devastating and make us feel hopeless. But we are not able to see things like God sees things; we don't know what may come in the future whereas He does.

The story of Joseph is a great example of how God can turn unfortunate events into fortunate ones. Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery where he was promoted to second in command but afterwards accused by his master's wife of trying to assault/get with her which in turn got him thrown into prison where he later on became somewhat of a warden and eventually became the Pharaoh's right hand man during a severe drought in Egypt. After all these events, Joseph's brothers had to come to him begging for food to save their starving families. Basically, God took the evil in the hearts of Joseph's brothers and turned it into good; the saving of the lives of Joseph's family. -Genesis 37-45-

I was reflecting on Joseph's story and it made me realize that yeah bad things do happen in life, to "good" and "bad" people, but we are do not know what the future has in store for us. I know I've personally had countless events happen that make me frustrated and hurt and I've cried out to God many times asking "Why" and "when will this ever end" and I feel like I've received no answer. However, it's comforting to know that He knows the future, He knows who I am and He has my best interests at heart. He knows how these experiences, good or bad, will help shape the way I am. I've realized this with a few things I've gone through in the past; my experiences have helped me when it comes to talking and understanding certain people and their struggles, my experiences have made me stronger in many regards, and my experiences have made me wise to newer struggles so I donÃ?t have to fight my way through like I have in the past. And I can trust and believe that whatever comes my way, God is in control and is using the choices and actions of others to help me better myself and prepare me for things to come. And who knows, maybe one day I can be in the place where my suffering and experiences can help to keep my family alive.

So when I'm confused about a situation or angry that things aren't going my way, I can look to Him for strength, comfort and guidance and trust in His promise that He will never leave or forsake me and that just like with Joseph, what man intended for evil, God has in store for good.